... Soon after, I heard a lot of miseries my mom underwent with his marriage to my dad, which were all hidden to us all those times. She did not intend to make me hear them, apparently I did. I noticed my mom preferred to tell those stories to a relative of my dad every time someone visits in our house; the first confidant was my dad’s younger brother. I know my mom was not lying because every time she tells the same stories I consistently saw the pain in her. I may be playing with my dolls while she was having a serious talk, I guess my mom thought I might not be paying attention and I’ll just ignore what I heard but she was wrong. All that I heard were retained in my mind and even in my heart. They meant a lot on my being.
In school, we studied about the nature of adoption, of second family, of mistresses, of illegitimate children and of half siblings. Having these ideas in mind, I began asking myself once again after prior unanswered questions, Why did that lady behave that way towards us and most especially towards my mom when in fact she’s just an addition to our whole family? She’s just a half sister or maybe an adopted child or worse, a second family of my dad! She is just an illegitimate child! All my questions remained as it is because I’m afraid to ask my mom about it, perhaps I’m not also ready for her answers. The entire blunt thought of mine were enlightened one by one as I became teenager. This time all stories were intended for me to hear. My mom never had the courage to explain to me in details what I needed to know for reasons up until now are unclear. I just bear in mind that she did what she had to do because my mom knew that I’m a smart girl, and I’ll be able to read between the lines. Perhaps she also expected me to have the courage (which she did not have that time) to gently relay what I found out to my younger siblings, who by that time were greatly innocent of the situation. I discovered through my mom’s mouth that it was I, we actually, who were the illegitimate ones. The revelation was my mom came to my father’s life when he was already married with four kids, which made us the second family and made my mom technically being considered by the whole world as a mistress. It was us who were illegitimate and not the lady! Hearing all these facts right in front of my face made me felt the echoing pain I never felt before, it seemed like a sharp knife was stubbed in my young heart into the deepest place it could possibly touch within me. All blew out of proportion, what I thought was true suddenly became a lie. And everything was so quiet right after…
Apparently, all things were crystal clear, all questions were answered now…the reason why that lady was rude to us was because we were her half siblings, our mom was the one who ruined their family, and that’s what she knew all along. I’m furious of that idea because my mom treated her so well, she was like her child; however, a part of me somehow understood her since it was never easy to have a broken family, acceptance was hard to achieve so I considered her misjudgment. My mom used to tell me after those eye openers that I should not put on a grudge on the lady, I’m luckier than her because we have a whole family so I should have more understanding of the situation. I did exactly what my mom said and I did not regret it for she was so right. More revelations came right through, I learned that my father pursued on his love for mom even he has a family because his wife fooled him; he caught her having an affair with another guy which forced him to hurt his wife. He began searching for a new love until he found my mom, but the road wasn’t easy, it was a tough one. Only after when my dad shot himself in front of my mom that my mom decided to go with him afraid that he might commit suicide again and my dad’s family would curse her if that happens. The scenario began the despair of my mom. My dad’s family hated my mom so much; they tagged her as a mistress, a home wrecker and a “malandi”. I did not blame them because only my parents knew what really happened before they had each other. And we, their children were the only solid witnesses of my mom’s martyrdom in standing by my dad on their twenty-seventh year of marriage. I started to feel dismayed to that lady and to the whole family of my dad because they were blinded. If only they knew what happened along the way, how she raised us alone in our studies was admirable, she never obliged my dad for financial help because my dad had his four other legal children who also needed his support. I always cry when I recalled how my mom goes from one person to another to borrow money for our education just because she couldn’t rely on my dad. If not because of her, we were uneducated today; we were not the ones we are right now and after all these, she still was the ones who was misapprehended. I admire my mom more when she always reminds us not to hate our dad, she keeps on telling us to strive in our life and show my dad’s family that we are not a burden to him and they’ll be proud of us one day. If only these people knew what she went through, they will not thought of my mom that way. That is the very explanation why I do not feel less of being an illegitimate child, I’ve never been prouder. I only feel sorry for those who call my mom mistress because they do not know the real meaning of the word. How can you call her mistress if my dad married her on a civil rights and they were together twenty seven years and counting? They were together after my dad separated from his wife. If that is so, any wife is a mistress, as well. They are married before God and before man like any other couple and they lived it, my mom lived it and I never felt any shame! The experience made me careful in judging mistresses because not all those who are tagged mistresses are really mistresses as it may sound. (to be continued...)
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